Just me.

I have spent years trying to figure out where I fit, how I fit, and after a couple decades on this earth, I have decided I just don't.

I try to be part of things, join the FRG, join the PTA, get social, make friends. It always backfires, and I am sick of it, really. I can't abide pretentious wankers, and it seems like the world has soo many of them or at least they fall in my path. They insult me and expect that because I am not pretty, not overtly witty, not amazing that I will bow before them and take it. I think not. Sometimes I think they don't even care enough about others to realize how insulting they are. Sometimes I wish I wasn't privy to the fact that they are so hateful, meaning to be or not.

Its taken years of loving people who don't love me, and finally loving the few who really do, to get it. I can count on two hands the number of people who really love me, who I really love. I have lost friends, companions, lovers along the way, and honestly I think I am glad. If they are not here, they didn't have what it takes to stay in the inner circle. It need not be big, it just needs to be true.

But I digress. These are some of the realizations that I have come to.

I am not pretty, I am beautiful- if only on the inside.
I am not funny, but I have some good old silly moments.
I am not brilliant but I have inspired thoughts.
I am not a social butterfly but I am fiercely loyal to the friends I have.
I am not typical, normal or anything more than average really.

But I like me. I like loving the world around me without those people who pick at me.

I like seeing nature and playing in the rain even when its cold. I like watching a bee flit around on a warm summer day. I like finding that last squash of the season in the garden when there is a nip in the air. I like carrying around field guides in my purse so I can figure out what that awesome plant I found growing all alone on a rock is.

I like supporting causes and lending my ear. I like saying 'It will get better' and helping someone find out that it does. I like dreaming about what the foundation to help kids that my husband and I would open if we won the lottery.

I like being in the shadows and out of the limelight. I like doing something nice for someone I don't know and watching them smile, even though they will never know it was me, or maybe even realize anyone did something for them at all.

I like singing in my car at the top of my lungs even though my voice cracks. I like listening to dance music and hopping around the house to the beat when every one is out.

I like falling into a book and devouring every word like a lifeline to my imagination. I like writing short stories even if they suck because the characters are alive to ME. I like absorbing everything I can, learning as much as I can shove into my mind, knowing it will never be enough.

I like sitting in silence, not because I am afraid of talking but because when I do, with the people I love, we can talk without words, and that is so much more comforting than having to fill ever moment with sound.

I wish that people would appreciate me for what I have done, but honestly I have found that I really don't care anymore.. I know who I am, what I have done, and how much I have given of myself, and that is enough.

AboutMe.com profiles..

Its another free opportunity from Bzz agent, a place to sign up for an electronic business card. I checked it out and its not bad. I wish there were more options, but for free, its not bad at all.




If you want to check out mine:

http://about.me/elementalwitch