Running.

I write in tongues
subjected to the faith
of faithless zealots
hurtling towards
the ramparts of a shining
sea of endless flames
of solidarity.

There is no justification
in the spew of venom
that surrounds us,
no reason to be lax.
And yet we stand,
unable to depart
and walk away,
berated for our own
inborn beliefs.

It drives the wilted
into seclusion,
hermitage a last resort
for mothers and children alike.
We run from hate
to make a stand
and face the rage
perpetuated by
mindless lemmings.

Why do we shed tears
hot and salty, painful,
for those who drive the knife
the deepest into the wound?
Perhaps because
the will never understand,
or perhaps we weep
in tired desperation,
knowing what we
cannot ever change.

KC

Embark upon the quest of new coupons!

I am so tickled that there is going to be a coupon swap at the local community center.. you must have base access, of course, but, this is going to be really handy!! I love the idea of being able to share with those around me in person- not just by mail.

I'd like to take a moment to shout out my thanks to Rachel who deserves great accolade for putting together so many cool things there at the community center! Great Job!! You rock!!!

I thought too that this might be a good place to link up the places that I find some of my own savings, just in case anyone ever wants to know. I can just say- eh, check out the blog (like that sounds so smooth LOL)

1. Check out the commissary entryway for coupons. Usually the shelves are there if not cleaned out. If there are coupons there, PLEASE leave some for others.. don't be greedy.

2. Sunday paper inserts for coupons.

3. Email your companies! Tell them you loved, hated, want to try their products.. the response usually comes with a coupon.

4. Look on your purchases- I got TV diners that all had 20 bucks in coupons when people just grabbing randomly wound up with blank  ones.

5. Swap with friends

6.Print offline

7.All You Magazine (through Wal Mart, but coupons usable anywhere)

8. REMEMBER!! COUPONS ARE JUST ONE WAY!! Try also loyalty cards! Military discounts, teacher discounts, etc.

Arrrrrr... I be Calico Mary Bonney.. go me. heheheheheheheh...

My pirate name is:

Calico Mary Bonney

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Celebration of.. an appliance.

It is the small things that make us happy in life, n'est-ce pas?

They came to the house today (maintenance that is) and had a list of like 12 things, and one of them was the oven, which has been out of order for a couple weeks. They had to order a part, and we had to sit and wait for it to come in, and then for the appointment to have it installed. I never thought that I would be so thankful for something as simple as a working oven. But the truth is the simpler the gift, the better it is.

I would rather have a small, simple thought than something extravagant and overwhelming. It makes me feel better that I get something I know I can really use- in this case, an oven that works to make pizza when my crew is hungry and hollering for pizza!  What can be better than that?

Simple gifts.. I think there is a higher power looking out for me today..

May she watch out for us all tonight, this week..

Blessed Be all..

Silly Menopause.

I am not a shy person by any means, at least not any longer. I used to be, if you can believe that. A blushing violet and all that rot. After having three kids, it's definitely NOT in the cards to be that way for me any more.. and so, I introduce the topic of early menopause, maybe it should be called medical menopause, who knows, but there you have it, or rather, here *I* have it LOL

I had a hysterectomy done in February of this year, which left me with one confused ovary, which seems to not understand what it's job is. Somedays it works okay, some days it's on hiatus. Actually, most days it feels like it's on hiatus. And the problem is that it makes me overly moody.. well, not that anyone can really tell but me and my husband. I guess I have the patience of Job, so when I get testy I act like a normal person. All in all that's a dealable side effect.

I can also handle the night sweats, the chills, hot flashes, the erratic libido, and the rest of the crap that comes with this. But there are two things that are driving me insane.

1. The insomnia. This is for the birds. Or zombies. Or evil dissidents, but it is NOT for me. I spent 36 hours without a wink and I thought I was going to hallucinate at one pint. I sat down to write my husband a not and when I tried to read it back it was gibberish. I tried everything in the house- melatonin, homeopathic sleep aids, chamomile teas, you name it (and I have most of it on hand because I grow a fairly full witch's/healing garden) So when I finally got enough sleep to feel safe enough to drive, I saw my doc and here I sit with a sleeping pill.. sure, I know, most of America has sleeping pill prescriptions, but I don't like it, and I don't want it, and it bugs the heck out of me.

2. The craving for a full house. This one hit me out of the blue.. I have always wanted to have a big family, but the truth is that now the more people in my home the happier I am. Long term, Short term, for visits, for study groups, my kids, visiting friends, you name it. It was like suddenly they took away my option to have more (and heavens knows we couldn't- it would've literally killed me) and I craved having more kids in the house. Strange but true. I guess I feel like I have a lot to offer, and I want to volunteer it. I know that I get a few weird looks for it- why would I want to spend my time and energy doing this stuff (like hosting study groups or offering to have sleepovers every weekend for my kids friends or inviting family or friends to stay for a couple weeks over the summer or the whole summer) especially since I don't ask for anything in return. But the truth is that for just a little while I feel like I have a huge family, and that is enough..

It's hard to describe, you know? Maybe this whole surgical experience and all the subsequent jacked up issues have pushed me even further towards facing my own mortality and I am simply trying to reach out and leave a mark in a positive way where I can.. I remember the people who did thinks like this for me, and I want to be an indelible memory like that should anything happen to me, sooner or later. I'd rather not sit back and vanish, when I can be remembered, and when I can give my kids a good example by showing them good interaction. It gives them a chance to spend time with people they, too, like/love, and want to be around. They get to be a part of something good, something memorable. And i get to watch them enjoy having people around them too..

But it gets expensive feeding all those mouths, and I could use some quiet time to clean. The problem is that when I am alone, I sit and think about how it's too quiet.

Silly menopause.

Past infractions..

It's amazing how even 17 years after teh fact a person can be haunted by simple stupid things. I had a very bad personal experience in 1995, and I can still remember smells, sounds, words, everything in teh the background. I was reading a short story this afternoon and found myself in heaving sobs and tears because the writer quoted the song playing on teh radio at the moment I ... the point it that so many years after, and I thought  it had passed and three lines from a song, typed out send me into a bad place. I hate this silly fear, this irrational breaking down.

I suppose it isn't just that, but stress does a number on a body.. and this was just one more straw that broke the camels back. And it makes me wonder how long a physical violation remains with a person- a whole lifetime maybe. That is a most frightening thought.

Leaving.

Sitting in the dark
waiting for the shoe
that is bound to drop
heart pounding
pulse racing
streaks and trails
patterns of realization
that 50 or 60
will not be for me.
Could not be for me.
It is unjust
unfair, cruel
and yet i think
i would be happy.
granted more
in what I have
than most have dreamed
i dare not dream
for more.
but it pains me
to know that
i am first,
will be first
and I do not
want to go.