Odd (wo)man out.

As a military wife you get used to people moving on, changing up and being 1500 or even 5000 miles away . So when you have a chance to make friends you try to.. maybe that's just me. But what I have discovered is a passive 'its like you moved, you don't exist' type of attitude after a while. If you don't do what people want and cater to them, you get marked off the list and they move on to the next sucker, I mean friend. 90% of the time there is no thanks, no reciprocation. I have been invited to parties, all so that people can sell me crap. I have been asked to babysit, help out with gas money, do this or that, volunteer to help with this project or that event. But the consistency is this: No thanks from when I do help, just an expectation that I will keep doing whatever it was without any kind thought or god forbid, payment for services. OR I get dumped, but not to my face. Its a covert set you to the side, not respond kind of dump.

I will admit I have been a party to that too... when one of the wives here decided she wanted to use me as her personal commissary at 10 pm on a school night repeatedly, I finally stopped answering the door. I tried to say no, but she never heard it, just asked for something else.. The first few times I shares what I had, all in the name of trying to be a friend, and fellow military wife who knew how tough it was. Never a thank you and never any offer to help out in return or repay the MULTIPLE times she had received kindness. And I came to find out I was not the only one who was getting hit up. And with each new wave of wives, she got a new group of patsies.

I am a patient person, a giving person. I am not healthy, and sometimes I try to do more than my body wants to because I want to be there to help. I have been in the position where there was no one, with little kids at home, husband deployed, everything falling about my ears and nobody I felt I could turn to for help. I hate to see anyone go through that.. But now I am so beaten down that when I do rarely go to any event I sit quietly and don't say much of anything at all. I have been told it comes off as aloof.. but to be honest I am just uncomfortable saying anything, because even a statement like the sky is blue plays telephone and by the end of a night its something altogether different. So I stopped going to things, took myself out of the equation, and left it all to those who can play the game or who are more naive than I, and think that they too can make a difference. I obviously can't anymore because I don't know how to play this game.

But I have to be honest, and tell me how many of you out there feel this way too: I feel burned, and I am giving up. I always heard wives talk about the drama, and the backstabbing and the PITA of it all. I think I understand now. I started out in the mindset that I could change things, I could help just one person, just one, and it would be worth it. What I got was drama, hate mongering, completely made up gossip, overwhelming demands with no offers of help, people who wanted to take all they could get and never be thankful, and people who treat me like a leper because I wanted to help.

It took me a lot of years to give up, but I concede. I am tired of trying, and being left out. I am tired of helping and never being thanked- just two words, thank you, but they never came, and they won't. I always thought I was a nice girl, a friendly, dependable, knowledgeable, loyal, loving girl. That's what a person should look for in a friend, right? I guess not.. maybe its just me. So I yield.. I will focus on other things.. take up other causes, but this one, I leave on the curb. Free, take at your own risk.

You know what sucks about the whole thing? I have very few friends any more, and all the ones I do have are no where near where I am. I'd like a good cup of coffee with my best friend, and a chance to just be me, no strings, no what can you do for me, no gossip or drama. Just two good friends, hanging out.